Screaming on the inside

Saito_explosion

I am finding it increasingly difficult to moderate what is going on inside to what comes out on the outside. 

Usually, my public ‘persona’ works pretty well .. she clicks into place and manages to turn my weird thoughts into charming sarcasm but lately this is failing me .. I made a grown man blush tonight … I couldn’t stop the thoughts in my head forming sentences in my mouth .. I am getting more provocative by the day and I can’t seem to stop.

This wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that this is happening at work .. I am falling apart and I don’t know how to stop that from happening. I KNOW it’s just a matter of time before something really bad happens.

Something really bad always happens.

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4 responses to “Screaming on the inside

  • glenn2point0

    Perhaps time to tweak your meds? Laughed at the gif from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” of sweet Dee and the McPoyle brothers.

    • theshanshuprophecy

      Yup.. Love the Mcpoyles and Dee.. Hehe… I’m completely unmedicated… 3 psychiatrists, 2 psychologists and a social worker and not one of them is addressing meds… And I’m the crazy one?

      • glenn2point0

        Go figure! I do worry that sometimes psychs, etc think they can talk you through it without meds. I quit DBT on the day my GP prescribed seroquel, as my perception started to change and the relief from the suicidal thoughts was almost immediate (a few hours). The psychs had me a suicidal mess.

      • theshanshuprophecy

        They all ask if I am taking SSRI’s and when I tell them I’m not, they say something along the lines of “you need to see about that” ….but it gets overlooked by each one of them and I am not keen to go back on them anyhow… nobody wants to talk meds – it’s been 6 months of dealing with the mental health professionals and I am not even slightly better than when I was sectioned ..

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